Why I Teach

During my student teaching, there was a little girl that changed my life. For the sake of anonymity, let's call her Tiffany. Tiffany was in kindergarten, and was possibly the shyest, saddest child I have ever met. Tiffany and I developed a strange and special bond. In her shy, never-quite-look-you-in-the-eye way, she would wait until I sat down before she would sit down, so she could be close to me. She would lean into my lap, but only if she thought I wasn't paying attention. She barely talked in class, and when she did it was more of a whisper, but it was the look in her eyes that drew me to her so much. She just looked so vulnerable, so in need of love, and so scared. Don't get me wrong, it's not that she was tremendously different from all the other kids. She participated in class, played with others on the playground, etc...but you get my drift. It seemed like she was out of school more often then not, and I knew that her home life was way less than ideal. I don't know any details, but one can tell that this little girl had been through a lot. Even though she had all this going on, there was still just something special about her... I can't quite put my finger on it.

Tiffany and I had a major breakthrough on my last day teaching her class. My co-op and I both noticed her getting more and more confident in music class throughout the 9 weeks I was there. I think she really just needed someone to sit by her and show her that she was special! On the last day of class, we were playing an ETM game, (look it up if you don't know what that is) and I glanced over at Tiffany to see her smiling and singing away. LOUD! Later on in the class, she actually talked in a loud voice and contributed to a conversation without being called on. It was like nothing I had seen from her, and I was proud!

So, those aren't all the details on the Ms. Blazier/Tiffany relationship, but I could probably write a book if i were to include those, so I'll just leave you that bit of backstory. Let's continue. My last day at my elementary school was her last day...well it was supposed to be. Mom was moving in with a boyfriend in another town a couple hours away, so tiffany was going with her. I found out a couple days before our last day, but Mom pulled her out of school the day after our great music class, so I never got to say goodbye. I was heartbroken. I mean, I wanted to adopt this kid, I didn't want to never see her again!

I learned a lot from this experience, about teaching, about faith, and about God. Ultimately, I learned that I can make a different in kids lives through teaching. I don't know why it was me that helped her, I don't why she let me help her, but I saw a change in her, and that gives me hope. I also learned that there comes a point where I can do no more. After many prayers and even some tears, I realized that I had done all I could do for Tiffany, and that God had to be the one to take care of her. I would say that leaving her in the hands of the one that spoke her into being is a pretty safe bet, but it's still hard to let go. I know it probably seems like I am being over dramatic about this girl, maybe I am, maybe i'm not... but to me, her moving was SO SAD. I will never ever forget this little girl, and the pure but dampened light inside her!


Two days ago I walked into a restaurant with my family. Walking past a table I heard cries of "MS BLAZIER!!!!!!!" Haha, one of my second graders and one of my 1st graders were seated at a table near us. We made some small talk and everybody was happy to reconnect after several months. Once I sat down, I looked over at another table near us. There, smiling, laughing and talking with the people with her, was a little girl with wavy blonde hair and a special look in her eye. At first I didn't think it was Tiffany, just someone who looked like her. Already, I was starting to get a little emotional. I hadn't thought about her in a little while, and just the thought of the her filled me with bittersweet emotions. Eventually the little girl caught my eye, and once I realized that she recognized me, I knew for SURE that it was her. I started smiling like you wouldn't believe! I almost cried when I heard her laugh. She was so happy! We started playing our "I'm going to pay attention to you, but ooonnnly so much" game again. Eventually, heart pounding because I didn't know the two adults she was with, I walked up to her table to say hello. I had seen them looking over at me, so I knew she had been telling her guardians about me. But, Zap, Tiffany went back into shy mode. I said hi and she barely looked at me, and it was just like in the classroom. I met her dad, and he is an very genuinely nice person! I liked him a lot! We had a nice little conversation - I told him how special she was to me and how much I loved having her in class, and went back to my table.

About ten minutes later, Tiffany got out of her chair holding a piece of paper. She took one step towards me, then went back to her chair. This went on for a good 5 minute, each time she got a little closer to me, before she got scared. She eventually got to me, and handed me a note, one side from her dad, and one side from her. The side from her says, "Thank you, love Tiffany"
The side from her dad was beautiful, it spoke of how much she "adores" me, and how shy she is, and other really touching things, including mention of her rough life. I won't lie, I cried right in the middle of the restaurant when I got it. So, I wrote her a little note back and went to say thank you to her dad. Tiffany gave me a hug (which was really meaningful, because I had wanted to give her a hug goodbye when I left my school), and her dad and I agreed that there was just something special about this girl!


On this post it may just sound cheesy, or over dramatic, or crazy, but even my family who had heard only a little about Tiffany was moved to tears by this experience. It was so sad and yet so happy. To see her smiling and laughing filled me with so much joy and hope, but her shyness reminded me that her road to healing will be a long one. This experience was truly an gift from God. I had made peace with the fact that I was probably never going to see her again, and there she was. It was the perfect closure to my student teaching (ironically on the same day that I finally got around to turning in my keys to my other school!) right before I moved to Springfield for good. Who knows if she will remember me in 5 years, but I can feel that the love I showed her has helped her, even in just a small way. I can't put in into words (even though this is a really long post.... if I had it all figured out, it wouldn't be this long!), but for some reason, this little girl has changed me. She has strengthened my resolve to nurture and love kids in a way that will help them become stable and loving people. She has helped me to realize that God is the ultimate teaching and nurturer, and i can only do what I do because of Him. She has helped me tremendously.

So, once I again I have to give her to God. I hope she lives with a parent who will love her and take care of her. I hope she has teachers who don't just look over her because of her shyness. I hope she knows that she is worth loving.

Maybe our paths will cross again someday.


~Mary