Planning

I am a "devil's in the details" individual. I specialize in what my mother likes to call "rearranging deck chairs on the titanic:" a myopic obsession with details that may not contribute to the end game. However, that tendency is rooted in what I think is a rational credo. I believe that successful, effective teachers are detail-oriented. They front-load learning with a plan that includes objectives, an assessment strategy, and logistical preparation.

My confession: over the past several months, I have only planned a handful of lessons. Unexpected schedule changes, assemblies, fire drills, and student absences have all limited my ability to control my beloved details. I am still finding my students' ability level and what works with them. What planning I've done feels wasted when it backfires for one reason or another. Plus, the range of courses I teach (6th grade band, 7-8th grade band, marching band, music appreciation, beginners) can be overwhelming. Usually, I feel like a full day of school takes so much out of me, I don't have the energy to look even two days ahead.

This is stressful for me. I have seen teachers that teach without a plan for twenty years or more, and I have seen first year teachers who put out fires instead of planning ahead. I told myself I was not going to be "that teacher." I imagine my college professors looking on with horror at the lack of preparation in my teaching. In particular, I just imagine Dr. M.'s signature concerned face: looking up from his clipboard with raised eyebrows and a slightly cocked head, and deciding your fate with a stroke of his pen (dun dun DUN!!!!!). Okay, so this anxiety is getting pretty out of hand.

As I described these problems to some of the other DSTC contributors at a meeting the other night, Sara said something along the lines of "but what about Rule Number 6?" (I.e. "Don't take yourself so god damned seriously"). And as I read this post and examine my thought processes, I realize that I haven't been doing a very good job of following that rule, even though I wrote about it. The sky is not falling; my program is not in dire straits; Dr. M. is not, in fact, going to rescind my teaching certificate and diploma based on my performance as a first year teacher. I think the biggest obstacle to actually planning is the anxiety/burnout caused by not planning. This cycle needs to stop. I love teaching effectively and helping students, and by not planning, I'm not giving myself the chance to enjoy my job.

I'm seeing a pattern here: Emma: Calm down. Move on. And remember Rule Number 6! For real this time :)