Making Mistakes

"Mistakes are okay, just learn from them!" This has been my number one lesson this past month of school. I have probably made more stupid mistakes in the past week than I did all of student teaching combined. (and I made plenty then, too!) And you know what? I still think I'm doing a pretty good job as a teacher! This has been a great opportunity (ehem, trial and time of suffering) to deal with and overcome my perfectionism. Change happens slowly. Remember that 5th grade class that I wrote about a few weeks ago? It's still a mess. I still spend more time angry at them than smiling at them. I am still too inconsistent in my punishment. I am still afraid to make parent phone calls. I am still learning. That one out of control K class? Still completely out of control! My fault? Partially, partially not. All I can do is continue to reflect and improve, and overall love the kids. Newsflash to the world: I have learned more about how to be a good teacher from the classes that DON'T go well than the ones that do. Here is what i've learned so far this week.

1. About school: It's seriously okay to be mean. It's okay to punish kids. It's okay if they cry. About me: I am afraid of being mean. Somewhere in my messed up brain, I have discovered another one of my many irrational fears. You ready? I am afraid that if I punish kids for talking and not meeting my expectations every single time and for minor offenses in the beginning, instead of leading to a respectful learning environment where the kids feel like they can both learn and express themselves, I will have a stoic, emotionless, and bored class that will completely miss the point of music. Yet, all my experiences and the experiences of teachers who I respect proves the opposite. Next week, I am going to try my hardest to not be afraid to punish kids. (side note of self reflection - I think it is really interesting that I am having this problem because I was that kid that was COMPLETELY afraid of GETTING in trouble as a kid.)

2. Kids need consistency and structure. Teachers fight a losing battle if a student does not have structure and discipline at home. Teachers fight a double losing battle if parents AND other teachers don't provide enough structure and discipline. My mom said to me today "Don't kids just adapt to the expectations of where they are at the time?" Absolutely not. Some will....but most of the time, I don't think they can. Consistency and structure are stabilizing. Boundaries are comforting. It is true.

3. If you believe a child won't succeed, they won't. If you believe that they will, they are more likely to. This is the most powerful fact that a teacher holds in their possession. I hate labeling. low kids, high kids, slow kids, gifted kids... obviously, we need some system of labeling in order to know and help each child succeed. We can't say that all kids learn at the same speed and in the same way. However, expectation plays a huge part in behavior and success. I wish that I could say that I have the same expectation for all my classes, but I am still making mistakes! This is one of my goals for next week, especially with the classes that I struggle with.

There is one particular student that I am trying to "win over to the good side." She is a kindergartener who always seems to be in trouble. Sort of randomly one day after she had made some bad choices, I called her over to me and told her that i believed that she could turn her day in music around. She said she could and she did.... for the next ten minutes... It was a start!! I've decided to really work on this child. Make her believe that she IS good and that she CAN make good choices for behavior. I figure, If I believe in her, maybe she will start to make some good choices and believe in herself. We had a similar talk today about her being a good leader for her class. She made it another ten minutes. I am proud of the start.


Those are my musings for the week. On another note, I survived BOTH middle school and high school without ever getting a detention, just to have detention duty this morning at 7AM... I can no longer say I've never been in detention. It's a little sad.